They didn't show the second hour of The Amazing Race finale last night because there was "amazing weather" going on. Yes, the Memphis weather guy actually said that. I was so pissed. And then I called Alicia for a rundown, but she was having screaming baby. As soon as she said who won, I figured she didn't need me screaming in her other ear.

Is there no justice in the world? Is there no karmic force that decrees whiny bitches who GIVE UP are LOSERS? Before it rained on my Amazing Race watching parade, I was seriously having the urge to leap through the tv. I kept waiting for Zach to lose that laid-back, zenlike positivity and just turn around and pop her.

Ryan thinks that Zach deserved to win for putting up with her through the whole race. I don't care about that. Yes, he deserves something. But it bugs the crap out of me that someone with her attitude can be successful enough to win a million dollars. It works for her. By babying her, he's shown her that's perfectly okay to be a psychotic, selfish, whining whore of person. To hell with teamwork - if you cry enough, people will do your part! And you STILL get to take home $500,000! I would've rather Ian take home the cash than Flo, I think. Asshole that he was, at least he played the game.

I hate people like her. People who create a negative force field around themselves and try to suck everyone else into it. People who don't think beyond "Now" and "Me". Something bad happen? Things more difficult than you imagined? Get over it. Step up. Move on.   ¶ 12/19/2002 07:14:00 AM

  Do you have sinus problems? Because I do. Always have. I'm not sure that I ever don't have at least a teensy bit of a sinus headache. And this time of year? Toss in a sore throat and some ear clogging and all that gushy stuff that goes along with it. No big deal.

Last night, Courtney had Ryan and I take her to the emergency room. She's been having problems swallowing food for the past few weeks. A while back ago, she says, "Mik, I can't swallow. I can sort of munch down on crunchy things, but chicken or mashed potatoes? Forget it." So we ponder a bit, and decide that its probably a stress thing due to the end of the semester. Courtney is very suceptable to physical manifestations of emotional trauma. So she goes to see a counselor about it.

It went through variations of being worse and better. And then last night, she calls freaking out. It's gotten so bad she can't swallow her own spit. She says she feels like there's something stuck down in the back of her throat. It's itching, it's tickling, it's tight. And it's sore from all the hacking she's been doing trying to get whatever it is to come up.

So we go to the emergency room. After an examination, it turns out that the child has the same sinus crap that's been going around. I have it. Ryan has it. Alicia has (or at least had) it.

After the doctor started to diagnose her, it sort of clicked in my brain. Court hasn't ever had sinus problems. She's been having the headaches too, and the cloggy ear crap, but she didn't know to connect them. She's had a sort throat before, but it was more or less autonomous and sore in a scratchy, flu way rather than swollen from the back where the sinuses drain. And she does have tend to be a hypocondriac- if something is wrong that she doesn't know what it is, she tends to assume the worst.

I'm still wrapping my brain around this. Court describes symptoms to me, in the language of one who has had no experience with them. And because they are SO familiar to me, I don't recognize them by the literal description. And I have described my own illness to her, but in blanket "That sinus-y crap that's all in my head" terminology, assuming she knew what I was talking about. And it went in different directions. As the doctor was telling her what was wrong, I became acutely aware of all the individual things she had been describing. The feeling that you have something in your throat- a hairball, maybe. A lump that you can't reach, and its dry and itchy. The tightness in your throat. The way that some food textures are hard to get down. Even the liquids she was trying to drink didn't help, but that's because it was the wrong ones! She was drinking Milk (slimy) and Coke (syrupy)- even that made sense. Let's just say that I was feeling pretty damned shitty when I went to bed last night from all that connecting.

I'm still fascinated, though. Picture this. A person has never seen a dog, or even a picture of dog. They've heard of them, and they've always just assumed they knew what you were talking about. And then they unknowingly see a dog, and it scares them. This person doesn't know that it was a dog, because the picture in their head - what they thought you were talking about, maybe, looked like a guniea pig instead. And they try to describe this thing to you. Do you realize that they're talking about a dog?   ¶ 12/18/2002 11:52:00 AM

  Crap I've made for the holidays:

Cinnamon Almond Star Cookies
Cran-Raspberry Sauce
Cranberry Chutney
Red Beans and Rice packets, ready to go in the pot. Just add sausage! (ok, so I haven't finished these. But I will.)

I know, it's actually not that much when you think about it. But compound that with masses of laundry, wrapping, shopping, and the necessary comraderie of the season, and I have been a busy girl.

And I'm eating it up. My back is all knotty and tense, and I'm tired as all hell, but I love it. I love the holidays. I love running out to the Square to get that last present I forgot to pick up. I love stressing over whether or not the homeade gifts will turn out ok. I love making a simple thing, like a jar of cranberry sauce, into a Martha Stewart -worthy presentation. I love the look on someone's face after you've given them that special something. And, oddly enough, I like being busy.   ¶ 12/17/2002 05:27:00 PM

  I got a raise, and I was not expecting it. The entire University is getting a 2% raise anyway, and my assumption was that was all anyone was getting. My boss called me into her office this morning to tell me that, coupled with the 2% from the state, starting in January my salary is increasing by 6.73%.

Merry Christmas to ME. Word.   ¶ 12/17/2002 12:18:00 PM