Argephontes
3/13/2003
I'm having a weirdness.
Thinking about blogging, or journaling, or whatever you want to call it. And how, honestly, shallow the content is. Not that I would stop, mind you. I started so that I would have an outlet to write, because I felt like writing was something I had lost somewhere between college and 8 - 5. Something that used to be so much a part of me that I felt strange without it. I wasn't doing it, but I couldn't quite shake off the part of me that identified myself as a writer. So I started this site, as a means to write things and put them somewhere. No matter what those things were. The point was just to be writing something. And I have, and I do.
But the nature of an online journal can prevent you, at times, from writing about what, perhaps, you really need to be writing about. I have noticed, because this is my "journal" - where I write - that when the only thing I want to be writing about is inappropiate, or too personal to post on the internet, I simply stop. Obviously, if what I need to write about isn't being written, then it's very hard to write anything else. I try, because I feel the need to write, but anything I start to enter feels like a lie, because it's not what I mean to be saying. Somehow I seem to forget that maybe I should still write it, somewhere else. In a proper journal, perhaps, or typed in an un-named Word Document, printed and stuffed in a drawer.
How do you forget that? How did I? I know I need to be writing now. It's been pushing at me. And I haven't been. I'm ashamed of that. Not that I haven't posted anything on the internet, but that I haven't written something for me. Quite a lot of somethings, actually. So obviously simple.
I'm going to go off and write things now, and maybe even for a while. Important things, and meaningless things. But I'll be back. Hell, maybe I won't even go anywhere (I'm here now). But if I do, I AM writing. And that's so important. Having that back again, after the last two weeks, has just lifted something dark and heavy out from inside me. ¶ 3/13/2003 12:21:00 PM
Thinking about blogging, or journaling, or whatever you want to call it. And how, honestly, shallow the content is. Not that I would stop, mind you. I started so that I would have an outlet to write, because I felt like writing was something I had lost somewhere between college and 8 - 5. Something that used to be so much a part of me that I felt strange without it. I wasn't doing it, but I couldn't quite shake off the part of me that identified myself as a writer. So I started this site, as a means to write things and put them somewhere. No matter what those things were. The point was just to be writing something. And I have, and I do.
But the nature of an online journal can prevent you, at times, from writing about what, perhaps, you really need to be writing about. I have noticed, because this is my "journal" - where I write - that when the only thing I want to be writing about is inappropiate, or too personal to post on the internet, I simply stop. Obviously, if what I need to write about isn't being written, then it's very hard to write anything else. I try, because I feel the need to write, but anything I start to enter feels like a lie, because it's not what I mean to be saying. Somehow I seem to forget that maybe I should still write it, somewhere else. In a proper journal, perhaps, or typed in an un-named Word Document, printed and stuffed in a drawer.
How do you forget that? How did I? I know I need to be writing now. It's been pushing at me. And I haven't been. I'm ashamed of that. Not that I haven't posted anything on the internet, but that I haven't written something for me. Quite a lot of somethings, actually. So obviously simple.
I'm going to go off and write things now, and maybe even for a while. Important things, and meaningless things. But I'll be back. Hell, maybe I won't even go anywhere (I'm here now). But if I do, I AM writing. And that's so important. Having that back again, after the last two weeks, has just lifted something dark and heavy out from inside me. ¶ 3/13/2003 12:21:00 PM
