I know I've been making a lot of jokes about the scholarship applications. They are funny, but in the sense that you have to find the humor in it to maintain some sanity. I was talking to my office mate this morning about one in particular. It's quite horrible [Insert Simon Voice- "This has GOT to be the WORST scholarship application in the WORLD!]. But what makes it so horrifying is not that the applicant is obviously uneducated, but rather miseducated.

It's obvious by the confident tone of the writing that this person believes that it is good. And that disturbs me. How can the parents, the teachers, the peers, and other role models allow that? Are they miseducated, too?

This isn't about scholarships, y'all. This is about the consciousness of the American people. Or the lack thereof. It's scary. Sure, I can laugh when it's an applicant out of many for a scholarship that, in the scheme of things, really isn't all that important. But it's not just the kids. There are people who will see this bumper sticker and believe, because it was issued at an "official" function with the participation of "official" figures, that it is True.

I'm offended as hell by that bumper sticker. Despite the fact that one of my dearest friends is Sudanese, and a devout follower of Islam, I don't think that I need to elaborate on that.

It bothers me that there are droves of people that believe such utter bullshit propaganda to be True. But it bothers me more that people in authority - like the teachers and parents of the poor little scholarship applicant - would use this to their advantage and continue to manipulate people into unthinking little hateful automatons with the firm belief that their actions are righteous and unfallible.

I know that this is nothing new. Christianity has been doing it for centuries. Al Queda must have done it. Hitler did it. The list goes on and on. It's just frustrating, and it's current, and I just saw that bumper sticker and had the fucking wind knocked out of me.   ¶ 2/07/2003 01:43:00 PM

  More Things Not To Do on a Scholarship application:

Excessive use of five-dollar vocabulary words does not make you look smarter. Especially when they don't mean what you think they mean.

Standardized test scores aren't everything. But. I don't care what your guidance counselor told you. If your highest composite on the ACT is a 17, you are barely even getting into college. You aren't getting a scholarship. You are killing trees and valuable time with your application.

When applying for multiple scholarships, check your essays. I understand that you might use the same essay for both. We don't really mind, it actually makes things easier. But when the essay for Scholarship A clearly states that it is for Scholarship B, it shows that you didn't pay attention. And if you didn't pay attention, you didn't care about it enough. We automatically don't like you, even if your essay is good.

Last, but certainly not least - If your application looks like it's been through the heavy duty wash cycle when I pull it out of the envelope, you really ought to redo it. Just sayin.

  ¶ 2/06/2003 05:45:00 PM

  For those of you who weren't around this time last year, I was in a really awful car accident. It has recently come to my attention that I am going to receive a settlement, the amount of which I don't particularly want to discuss because 1) it isn't settled yet, and 2) I don't like to jinx things.

But, let's just say that in the scheme of things it's not all that much, but for my piddly broke ass, it's awesome.

I'm gonna toss most of it into savings, because it's The Right Thing To Do. However, I'm going to take a bit of it out for myself and hie myself off to Paris to visit my Daddy, probably in May. What with the whole living overseas thing, I don't get to see him often enough. And, dude. PARIS. I've never been when it wasn't December or January and bitterly cold and grey. It's like it will be a new place entirely by virtue of it's being warm.

Paris is such a georgeous city. I was thinking about the trip on my ride down the elevator for lunch, and I thought how sad it was that Paris is so handicap - inaccessible. My Dad's apartment is on the 6th floor of an old building about a block from the Arc d'Triumph. It has no elevator. One of his friends, who lives on the 7th floor, broke his foot last year. He couldn't go to his own apartment for months because of it. He stayed elsewhere in the south of france for months until his foot was healed enough to tackle the six flights of stairs.

I cannot imagine not having access to my own home for that long. Insane. But that apartment is not unique in its non-elevator-ness. I don't think that I saw a single elevator in the time I've spent there. It just seems odd to me, in a land where handicapped only parking spaces, Stanley Power Assist Doors, and elevators are predominant. Especially working in a public institution where each and every building, room, sidewalk, etc. MUST be accessible to everyone.

Don't get me wrong. I am not dissing Paris. It's a beautiful, fabulous city. But if you're in a wheelchair or have problems with stairs, I would recommend readjusting your travel plans.   ¶ 2/06/2003 04:18:00 PM